In order to circumvent all of this social mayhem, one simply needs to renounce their American citizenship. Upon becoming a non-American, a person can simply remain in the country and enjoy the advantages realized by their fellow illegals.

As a legal citizen, you are compelled to pay income taxes. As an illegal, you are spared this hassle, and being exempt from IRS scrutiny enhances your employment possibilities. For example, the American saps that earn say, $21 per hour must pay about 30% in income and social security taxes. As such, they net $14 per hour, yet cost their employers $21, + 7.625% for additional social security taxes. As an illegal, you can offer you services for a flat $18 per hour, thus undercutting the dumb American worker. Plus, by being spared the burden of income taxes, you net more than they do. It is a win-win scenario. The employer saves, and you take home more. Concerned about a loss of benefits? Not to worry. There is always the top-notch health care available at the free emergency room near you. You don’t even have a copay to worry about.

There are other benefits of renouncing citizenship, such as in-state college tuition rates, or better yet (hello Kansas) free (!) college tuition just for being an illegal. You can also save by not having to pay for expensive auto insurance. And let’s not dismiss the ease in which you can get social benefits such as food stamps. And if run-ins with the law seem to be a hobby of yours, you can take advantage of the "three strikes and we’ll give you a fourth try to do better" rule that applies to those that cannot be bothered with visa application paperwork.

So renounce your citizenship today and join us as a fellow illegal. Enjoy tax-free income, free comprehensive medical coverage, food subsidies, and discounts that no American can claim. Heck, you can even drive drunk if you want.

America, land of the free, if you’re here illegally.

The United States has outlived its usefulness, and it is time to transform ourselves into the world’s leading socialist / Islamic nation. American citizens had their chance to prove their theory that capitalism and individual freedoms are the best way to operate a nation, but the results says otherwise. In spite of the freedoms, there are American citizens that are unhappy, and the fact that other nations dislike the United States provides the evidence that it is time for us to change our ways.

The world has indicated that socialism is the best way for people to live. The most popular leaders of today include a lineup of renowned socialist/communist leaders such as Castro, Ahmadinejad, Chavez, Kim, and bin Laden. These leaders are praised for the way they run their respective countries, and even our former president Carter raves about how much better the citizens of such nations have things as compared to the residents of the U.S.

Socialism eradicates the stench of capitalism and the dog eat dog nature that accompanies it. People dislike competition, and the United States is based on such a system. Competition unfairly hurts people that are not as capable as others might be, so competition as a business model has to be eliminated. All citizens should be guaranteed equal results regardless of effort or ability, and socialism makes that possible. When government agencies handle all of the decisions that have to be made, people are happier because they no longer have to deal with the burden of thinking for themselves.

Our transition is indeed possible since many of our current visionary leaders are willing to make such a change. They promote the idea that the government should have control over health care, wage standards for employees, educational curricula, the pricing of goods, and so forth. These leaders realize that such decisions are too important to be left up to individual citizens, whereas government approved agencies are more than capable of handling such tasks. Such a position is hard to dispute, for everyone knows that the most intelligent, diligent, and skilled workers are employees of government. Most private corporations can barely function, whereas government facilities are the epitome of efficiency.

Along with the shift to socialism, America needs to adopt an Islamic face. The Muslim world is going to tangle with us until we succumb to their demands, so it is best to toss in the towel and conform to whatever standards the Mullahs dictate. The citizens of the United States risk personal harm if they refuse to adopt sharia law, so in the interest of safety, it is best if the United States becomes an Islamic nation. By turning the control of the country over to Muslims, we are assured of a land that will no longer commit acts that Muslims find offensive.

The status quo has the United States as a capitalist, secular nation. In contrast, the world would prefer us as a socialistic Islamic nation. Since our primary focus should be on getting along with the rest of the world, it only makes sense that we should transform into the type of nation that others prefer us to be. Socialism and strict Islamic law have always proven to be popular with people, so we should do what the world wants and convert to such an entity.

There are really no al Queda in Iraq, just terrorists on GW's personal payroll that are tasked with increasing profits for Haliburton and the oil companies. This evil trio planned, financed, and carried out the entire 9/11 incident, as well as every other terrorist attack leading up to 9/11. We must remember that the Islamic world is not our enemy; our own leaders are.

The Muslims are actually the true victims of all of this conspiracy, and they have been made out to appear as being evil when in fact they are the most non-violent people in existence. We have turned our military loose on peaceful people who have never brought harm onto anyone else, and we have done so just to increase corporate profits.

To make amends for the way our own leaders have used and abused the innocent followers of Islam, it would only be proper to financially compensate every Muslim in Iraq, including the families of so-called terrorists that have been killed by coalition troops. Furthermore, even the fighters that have had to undergo the emotional strain of having to kill other human beings should be compensated as well. It is terrible that we have driven others to commit such heinous acts, and as such we should be willing to make large cash payments to anyone in Iraq who has had to kill an American soldier.

If it weren't for the fools who actually join up, we wouldn't even have a military. If we had no military, this action could not have even taken place. Therefore, to fund the compensation payments to "terrorists", the assets of the families of soldiers should be sold off to the last penny, including the insurance payouts that families of fallen soldiers have received.

It is imperative that we do something drastic to make the Muslims like us again. Until we accomplish that, every American citizen will remain in a state of terrorized hysteria, afraid to move, afraid to go with life. Americans quiver at the thought of having to fight, and there is nothing in this world that is really worth fighting for. Surrender is always the best option, for that ensures nobody gets hurt.

I know that every American will agree with the idea that we must do whatever the Muslim world demands from us, otherwise we will all have to continue sleeping under our beds and wetting ourselves out of fear. If we simply give the Muslims what they want and do as they say, they will certainly leave us alone and we can then live in peace.

We should applaud President Bush for his efforts to make amnesty a priority by ramming an unexamined immigration reform bill through congress. The President was elected to ensure that the world’s indigent are content, and he knows that since we are able to service the needs of our southern neighbors, we are obligated to do so. Thus, we simply have to make all illegal aliens into citizens, and we must do so immediately.

Bush knows that America was founded as a means to provide an economic safety net to the world. Our Continental Congress had dreams of a land where free people could create a myriad of government programs that would someday allow foreigners to homestead on our land and live off of the efforts of American workers. Throughout our history, American soldiers have died fighting with just one cause in mind: full U.S. citizenship for any foreigner who demands it. The beaches of Normandy were stormed 63 years ago by Americans rallying to the spirit of La Raza, and our boys defeated the Nazis so every alien would feel free to come to America in order to enjoy a full battery of social program benefits.

So the xenophobes and racists need to cease the critique of our president and representatives. These politicians weren’t elected to promote the desires of the American people; they were elected to protect the rights of every person to share in the economic prosperity enjoyed by the legal citizens of our nation. We owe the world a living, and thankfully these bold men are forcing us to meet our obligation.

Hillary Clinton has been getting hammered for her statements reminding the citizenry that "we are all in this together", and that an "on your own" society cannot be tolerated. Such criticism is unjust, for it ignores the basic fact that each person is put on this earth solely to serve others. Hillary realizes that common people should not pursue their own dreams; rather they should strive to ensure the collective is functioning properly. Politicians such as Hillary make this sacrifice every day when they devote their time to making the decisions that they feel are in our best interest. Considering the magnanimity of their efforts, surely we as servants of our rulers can do the same.

An "all together" society makes sense when one recalls that all economic systems based on the ideal of collectivism have prospered magnificently, whereas the models that rely on self-interested participants have all succumbed to dismal failure. Likewise, citizens of the entities that have practiced socialist methodology have all managed to lead happy, healthy lives. In contrast, the peoples of individualized capitalistic based nations all live in utter squalor and hopelessness, for no man can hope to achieve when competition is the rule of the day. The past has proven that mankind fairs better when individuality is cast aside, so it is ridiculous for any person to cling to their own sense of self worth when they should instead think only how they can meet the needs of others. Hillary has come to this conclusion, and only a fool would question her wisdom.

Our politicians are correct in assuming that almost every American of Hispanic descent wants the illegals to be permitted to stay. After all, Hispanic Americans don't mind having to compete the most against the non-tax paying illegals who can undercut tax paying citizens whenever they offer their services to an employer. Nor do they object to their being forced to endure the majority of the imported crime and drugs that the illegals bring into a community. Furthermore, no American of Hispanic descent minds having to pay more in taxes to support the massive burden that illegals place on our social service offerings. Hispanic Americans do not mind having a job lost, the crime rate in their neighborhood increased, and taxes wasted if it allows some stranger that just happens to share their racial identity move into the U.S.

Politicians realize that Hispanic Americans are totally willing to sell out their own country in order to benefit hordes of foreigners. The Latino community should be happy that our politicians recognize that all Hispanics are Mexicans at heart, and as such they have no loyalty to the United States whatsoever.  Americans of other nationalities are assumed to be true Americans, whereas politicians recognize Hispanics as being forever foreign. Hispanics should be proud to have this reputation bestowed upon them by politicians because it shows that they are of a culture that puts loyalty to distant ancestors above the country and economic system that actually sustains them.  Being declared a traitor is a badge of honor when the retention of a cultural identity is at stake.

As for those few Hispanics that do object to the wave of Mexican illegals that are surging over the borders, well, they are just racists.

Viva Amnesty! At last the Senate has aligned itself with President Bush in the paving of the way for millions of illegal aliens to become citizens. This opens the door for the world’s indigent to finally pour into our country and be given the free health care, education, housing food, spending money and employment that they are entitled to. It has always been the responsibility of all Americans to ensure that the other citizens of the planet have their needs and wants fully satisfied, and this new bill finally gets us moving in the fulfilling of our obligation to the world

Great Britain has broken the ice for us by essentially surrendering to the Islamic tidal wave that the Muslim tsunami has launched toward our shores. Iran captured British sailors in waters that were outside of their territory, paraded the captives in direct violation of the Geneva Conventions, and then graciously returned the prisoners after their use was maximized. Rather than appearing upset or offended, the plucky British sailors were all smiles and laden with souvenirs, and having shed their military duds for snappy suits, they showed the world how keen it was to be held by a swell bunch of guys like the Iranians. For this unusual hospitality, Tony Blair thanked the Iranians for being such good sports about the whole matter, expressed his hopes that the captives hadn’t been too much trouble, and offered to pay for their boarding expenses out of his own pocket. Blair gushed about what a wonderful people the Iranians were, and basically made it clear that it would be totally okay by him if Iran wanted to commit more mayhem in the region. An evil nation would have retaliated with military action, but Blair once again has shown that the British know just how to achieve peace in out time.

By their acts, the British have finally surrendered to the promoters of Islam. Hopefully, we in the United States will follow this lead and open negotiations for our surrender as well. Speaker Pelosi has paved the way for our capitulation, and she has made it clear that our constitution will be no hindrance to those that wish to obtain peace at any price. Pelosi has demonstrated to the Syrians that we are willing to effect a coup de tat by sidestepping the President and the constitution in an effort to offer concessions to the Muslims, something no other American leader has had the guts to do. Though some might whine about the inappropriateness of the act, the truth is that it is about time that somebody in Washington formally displayed the fact that the executive branch is irrelevant when it interferes with the desires of the party that holds power in Congress. One rarely sees such bold leadership as displayed by Pelosi and the Democrats, for most heads of state are hesitant to concede defeat just to keep from risking injury, especially when they have a vastly superior military and economy as compared to the opposition. But both Democrats and our British cousins are willing to throw in the towel and beg for mercy in an effort to keep any harm from coming our way, and such concern for the citizenry is truly touching. Unlike some stubborn remnants of the old America, Democrats and the British realize that it is much better to live as a slave in a theocracy than to risk death defending some ridiculous notion such as freedom.

In order to show support for our de facto commander in chief, we should waste no time in voicing our approval of the actions that have implied our willingness to formally surrender to Iran and the Muslim world. If we delay, the British might gain more favor with our conquerors by boasting about how they raised the white flag first, and that will mean that the Muslims might like us less than they do the British; something we just cannot risk. For her part, Speaker Pelosi has made some serious inroads by donning her scarf of female humility while touring the lands of our new masters. She has made great efforts to show that we are willing to toss our constitution into the garbage heap in order to circumvent the crazies that would resist Islamic domination, and we cannot afford to lose our Pelosi momentum. We need to get behind her and urge all of our leaders to plead, beg, and grovel at the feet of the prominent Muslim leaders in an effort to obtain mercy on our behalf. Every day that we allow our leaders to resist just makes the Muslims that much angrier, and that just means they might hurt that much more because of our defiance.

Let’s not let Pelosi’s naked grab for the presidency result in failure. Urge your representatives to formally bypass the executive branch in all surrender negotiations, and let’s stop resisting the Muslims before someone else gets hurt. Wouldn’t you rather see your pre-teen daughter married to an octogenarian than to risk offending the Muslims by eschewing their culture?